To Those Stuck in The Happiness Trap,
This is such a good question, and I’m so glad you’ve asked… cause, well, I have a lot to say on this topic.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard this question— from clients, from friends, from family.
In a world where we are bombarded with titles of books similar to, “How to be Happier,” “10 Ways to Live a Happier Life,” or “Be More Successful in 7 Days,” it’s hard not to receive the message that we aren’t enough.
That we aren’t happy enough. That we aren’t successful enough. That something is wrong with us.
I want to be clear before I continue, that I love and recommend many self-help books to my clients. Within the pages of my favorites, there is often thoughtful research, great content, and meaningful advice. I’m not here to knock the content.
BUT I do want you to know that there is a dark world of psychology that uses manipulation tactics, such as book titles, to hook you into believing you’re not enough… so that you’ll purchase it, and ultimately the publisher makes a profit. Capitalism and psychology are VERY intertwined.
The cycle goes something like this: You feel down, you go to the book store, you go to the self-help section, you find a book with the title “How to be Happier in 7 Days,” and the next thing you know you’re at the counter checking out., maybe you read it, maybe you don’t, maybe it impacts your life a bit or a lot… only you can be the judge of that.
But here’s the ultimate question: honestly, did it make you “happier” in seven days? I’m going to guess it didn’t.
So, I’m going to leave you with my two cents:
In a world, where we are constantly covertly (and at times overtly) told we are not enough, the key to happiness is dismantling the subliminal messaging we receive around what “happiness” should be/look like, and beginning to believe just where we are in this very moment is enough.
That takes time. That takes patience. That takes more than a book. That takes more than this blog.
Because we’ve spent our whole lives being conditioned. Being manipulated. Being sold a lie.
Deconstructing our conditioning is a lifelong journey. And, once we begin to see where we’ve been deceived we can begin to reconstruct our own definition of “happiness.”
And, when each of you creates your own definition of “happy,” I do my own “happy dance”!
With fierce compassion,
Leah
Go Deeper
Journaling Prompts to begin Deconditioning your Happiness Trap
Flush these out in therapy, coaching, or with friends and family.
If I could give you my definition of “happiness” right now in this very moment it would be…
When I hear/see the word “happy” what do I think?
When I hear/see the word “happy” what do I feel?
What are my core beliefs regarding happiness?
Are the beliefs I have helpful or harmful to me?